My follies

As this moment passes, I try to capture it and string it to the many other memories that I already have strung together by the mere existence of my being. They come and go, the memories I mean, but nothing stays back to keep that smile on my face or the tear in my eye. It seems impossible, but I could not, even if I wanted to, give up the quest to remember all I can and in that quest lies the abominable truth of the things that I would rather not remember. The silence of death and the twittering haze of the morning have etched their memories on the ever receptive cells of a brain that has lost its connection with the heart. Then why do I still want to hold on to moments that will never come back, that will never be a part of another moment that may happen in the future? The futility of strife is as obvious as the sun on a hot summer day, it not only tires me out, it sucks the life out of my soul. As I struggle to put situations and incidents into perspective, time catches up with me an...

There are times when you start to wonder what made you take the steps you took, which you should not have taken. You then try to reason it out and make yourself believe that whatever you did was something that happened all the time.... Mistakes do happen all the  time, don't they? There are some faults that may acquire the pardon of the people around you. But there are some which, even you, cannot forgive yourself for. These unpardonable lapses in judgement come with a very high price to pay and leave you discouraged and broken. A thousand times a day, you say to yourself, "How could I have done that?" or "Why did I let it happen?" or "what was I thinking?"  No explanation, whatsoever, is good enough to put your mind at peace. Your souls starts to disintegrate and life seems meaningless all over again. There is an emptiness that creeps into your being and sucks out all the hope from inside you. Nothing seems as good as it used to be and, although, yo...